fake it 'til you make it

Hazel’s first day of ‘school’ was a success!  (as was her mama’s first day back at work)

I’m still amazed at how the time passed so quickly, but it felt like it’d been so long since I’d seen my coworkers, made the commute into downtown, and spent an entire day in front of a computer.  I’m so grateful for the warm welcome back I received yesterday… And for the fact that I work with so many other moms.  All day I was offered words of encouragement and plenty of opportunities to brag on my sweet baby.  Everyone kept telling me that it will get better, but the best advice I received?  That the missing them never gets getter, you just adapt.  For some reason, it’s more comforting to know that I won’t ever stop missing her.

I’m also incredibly grateful for not getting caught running 2 stop signs on my way to pick up Hazel after work (but let’s not tell Jeff about that part, okay?)  Her teachers are the best, and thankfully very patient with this new mama.  They gave her a glowing report… She did much better than most babies on their first full day! ::shameless mama brag::  Hardly any fussing, took several naps (including one long stretch of sleep!), and ate without a problem.

Despite how well we both did apart, the very best moment of my day was being back with Hazel…

So today, I’m faking it until I make it… or until I get to see this sweet face again in a few hours.   

 

  

                                                                    {Hazel before her 2nd day at 'school'}

transition

This week is our transition time... I go back to work on Tuesday, so I've been taking Hazel into daycare for 3-4 hours each day.  It's been good to practice our morning routine a few times (the first time I left the house an hour and half later than we should, and the second time I was only 30 minutes behind schedule... so getting closer, right?)  It's also been a good chance for Hazel's teachers to get to know her and for Hazel to get used to the new sights and sounds.

I have to admit that this week has been rough, and I can only imagine that next week will be even harder.  The first day I dropped her off, I cried in the dressing room to a very nice saleswoman who was fitting me for nursing bras.  Even when I told her that I was picking Hazel back up in two hours, she was very understanding.

It's taken me by surprise how weepy I've been to leave my baby girl.  To be honest, I never thought I'd be this way.  I always pictured myself as a confident, working mama... Doing it all: drop off the kids, climb the corporate ladder, make dinner, repeat.

But going back to work is hard.  And I haven't even started yet. 

My hope is that it will get easier as the days go by.  I love my job, and I love my coworkers.  And honestly, when I tell my boss that I'm looking forward to seeing her, I really do mean it.  I can only imagine how much harder this would be if I were returning to a career that I didn't love.  And I know how lucky I am to have a job to return to, and to be able to help provide for our growing family financially.

So I'm trying my best to focus on the positive and to soak up every bit of time before we find our new routine.  I've blissfully spent the last eleven and a half weeks holding her as much as possible (even when everyone told me I was holding her too much), napping with her on my chest instead of in her crib, cooing and smiling at her instead of worrying about cleaning the house, and playing on the floor instead of running errands.

My maternity leave has been a constant reminder to be present.  To enjoy every second I had to lounge in pajamas for the entire day with Hazel.  To not feel rushed or scheduled.

And I'm very happy to say we've done just that.  Now this mama needs a few extra prayers to remember that although our days together will be much shorter, they will still be just as sweet.