I have to admit that this week has been rough, and I can only imagine that next week will be even harder. The first day I dropped her off, I cried in the dressing room to a very nice saleswoman who was fitting me for nursing bras. Even when I told her that I was picking Hazel back up in two hours, she was very understanding.
It's taken me by surprise how weepy I've been to leave my baby girl. To be honest, I never thought I'd be this way. I always pictured myself as a confident, working mama... Doing it all: drop off the kids, climb the corporate ladder, make dinner, repeat.
But going back to work is hard. And I haven't even started yet.
My hope is that it will get easier as the days go by. I love my job, and I love my coworkers. And honestly, when I tell my boss that I'm looking forward to seeing her, I really do mean it. I can only imagine how much harder this would be if I were returning to a career that I didn't love. And I know how lucky I am to have a job to return to, and to be able to help provide for our growing family financially.
So I'm trying my best to focus on the positive and to soak up every bit of time before we find our new routine. I've blissfully spent the last eleven and a half weeks holding her as much as possible (even when everyone told me I was holding her too much), napping with her on my chest instead of in her crib, cooing and smiling at her instead of worrying about cleaning the house, and playing on the floor instead of running errands.
My maternity leave has been a constant reminder to be present. To enjoy every second I had to lounge in pajamas for the entire day with Hazel. To not feel rushed or scheduled.
And I'm very happy to say we've done just that. Now this mama needs a few extra prayers to remember that although our days together will be much shorter, they will still be just as sweet.
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